Sunday Blue~

Tomorrow will start working.

And I'm having Sunday Blues already.


Hope everything went well..
I'm not good in social and not good in drawing autocad from scratch.
( I secretly wish that all I need to do is to amend the autocad drawings only. XD )
Eventhough Jo brings me to visit the firm already 2 days ago and the environment is kinda relax and comfy and he introduced some of his ex-colleague to me and they seems nice, but still......
Haih why im so anti-social,
why im so lauzy in architecture sure the boss shake his head lor...



Ok la, maybe I'm just having Pre-working stress now.


I HATE WORKING WHEN I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ENJOYING MY HOLIDAY WHAT


and I hate my expanding waist bcos I don't know what to wear to work so that I won't look so fat yadda yadda....
And I wish that I have my own car so that I dont have to follow my dad and thus need to reach office so early and go back so late. =(
I just wish that there's 48 hours per day bcos I don't have enough time to entertain myself.


Blah~
I shud just shut up and go to sleep now.

This is F*cking torturing

Oops, it's Wednesday already.
Man, I'm still stuck in my sketchup.
How on earth am i going to finish by monday???

I ENVY my roommate so much.
In fact, i ENVY other course's students.
How come they can just eat, sleep, n play everyday ?
The last time i saw my roommate do her assignment i was like "Gosh Tyan, u ARE doing homework??????!!!! omg !! "
i'm going to show off to her that i have only 2 final exam next month! muahahaha...

I know i've said this for thousands of time ady, but i still want to say it :
I HATE ARCHITECTURE !!!!!

人 生 中 最 低 潮 的 时 刻

I'm in a depression mode.
In fact im feeling the down-est now in all my life.

It all started when I can't get to solve any of Jahangir's assignment questions.
And the bf is getting too frustrated with teaching a stupid girl like me and finally 'get loud' with me.
Imagine teaching till getting crazy.
That must be it.

I guess i'm just a pile of useless rubbish.
I sucks in maths.
Im never good at it, not even to say physics.
My head just won't turn.

Eventhough the bf apologized after that,
but i can never start to pull myself away from feeling depressed ever since.
I'm giving up. Eventhough it's not my style.
I'm giving up everything.
In fact, giving up my life seems to be the best word so far.
I feel like dying.
I don't have the strength to continue anymore.
No matter how much he said he loved me, no matter how many sorry he said.
I just don't have the heart to go on anymore.

I dont have any abilities at all.
Even if the bf is not good in design, at least he can calculate well.
he can still survive.
But me, what am i good at ?
crying ?
go cry with the babies then.
Duh.

I'm not good in anything.
AT ALL !

Being archi-tortured

How come i'm so unlucky huh?

My desktop is infected by stupid virus from the pendrive immediately after i clicked on the stupid 'new folder' thingy which is supposed to be a virus. Damn.
Kena lottery pun not so lucky.
It gives me only 1 stupid second and then the whole desktop shut down.
At least give me 1 minute to transfer my studio stuff la ok.

I know i should have scanned it but how am i supposed to scan with AVG ?
I wanted to install Kapersky last night but damn it, it keep on detect AVG which i've uninstalled already.
And i borrowed the pendrive to Jo b4, and he told me he ever plug it into the school lab's computer.
Ok, that explains why things get so serious with just one click !
Argh !!!

So now i cant get any last minute work done for studio 2mro and im 100% sure i cant even show him anything.
Im good as a piece of shit 2mro.
If the hard disc canot be saved, then my whole project condemn dy lo???
I dont have any extra copy, mind u.
ARGH ~!

The cpu is now at Jo's room.
I have to wait until he finished updating his Kapersky which will take 3 hours at least.
Die. That means 5am and that means i no need to do work already.
Congrats.

Maybe i'm not lucky with anything related to computers these days.
hmm...


What can i do?



Sleep of course.
-__-'''
And maybe say selamat hari raya to him 2mro with a sweet smile to cover everything up.

lalala....



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The bf is having trouble with studio stuff this sem,
and he said maybe he has to re-sem with his condition now.

What am i supposed to say?

I know he has been struggling with it all these while.
He is not any better in architecture course as much as i do,
maybe we are not fit to be in this course to be frank.
What can i do?

I feel bad to even quarrel with him last night for some stupid reasons, when he is in the most tension mood.
I still cannot master the art of tolerating.
I salute hui san for her good management of long-distance relationship which for me, i sure die.
I admit I'm a very 'sticky' person.
ah well...whatever.

I can feel the 'panic' rising from him, the 'tension', the 'depression', the 'compression' whatever.. when he tell me all those studio problems.
And yet he's trying his best to cope with my selfishness of wanting him to accompany me.
It feels like seeing a man who is on the verge of breaking down and yet trying so hard to compose himself and make a joke out of it and go on.
makes my heart all gone sour.

I have a long way to learn....
to be more tolerate, sell less fishes, and what?
a supporter?
whatever.....

How i wish tis sem's nightmare will end soon...

to be honest, i don't want to involve in anything related to architecture AT ALL after graduating.
Ok, not that i dont want, but i dont have the ability to do so.
Im only the average student.
I dont have good presentation skills, i dont have good designs ideas and not to say construction knowledge, i dont have good PR, i dont have good maths ( i get 53 in Jahangir's structure test ONLY...laugh all u want ) and with all these, i cant see why ppl will hire me in architecture firm at all.

see my point ?

Why am i still here suffering then ?

Yah Allah, Tolonglah saya....

I don't think i can finish EVERYTHING in 6 days.

6 DAYS !!!!

My 3D is only less than halfway done.
I don't even dare to think about how to draw the roof.
To the extend that maybe i shud juz put a flat roof then i no need to spend time thinking how to draw the purlins, beams etc...

The most tulan thing is that the sketchup programme in my desktop sot jor..
the screen will 'break' into small fragments and shake and i cannot point my arrow to the point i want to draw line with whenever i use either one of the tools ( push, measuring tape... )...
Dun understand nvm..haih...
Dono how, my laptop is damn slow like snail.
draw a line also need like wait 1 or 2 second like that baru the line will appear.
Damn slow la wei...T_T

How how how ????



ARGH ~~~~!!!!!


6 days left 6 days left !!!! presentation board n concept sheet how how how ??? i need at least 3 days to do those.
That means i only have 3 days to draw 3D and render !!!! OMG...This memang is mission impossible.
and i'm still here crapping...

*hang myself*

What's on my messy mind ...

I just want to release my stress, i didnt mean to make everyone worried.
I feel like like quitting this course, but that doesnt mean i WILL....
I'm just stressed okay ?

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I know u're jealous of me being close to Liang, but there's no need for silent protest okay ?
If i like u, there's nothing n no one that can change my heart.
And hey, i'm not ur gf, remember ??

'nuf said.


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I really hate doing working drawing !!!! ARGH ~~~!!!!!
I just wish i can sleep n eat n play everyday.


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Life is so complicated.
I wonder why i'm still alive ?


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The happiest moment of my life - to be in heaven close to my angel.
Thanks to Teck Ing for bringing me my angel last night.... =)

*updates*

After 1 week of continuous torturing by my project 2, i only get to know on wednesday ( 2 days b4 the supposed submission ) by one of the Malays in my workbase that the submission is postponed.

Phew !

I canot imagine if we're really to submit on that day.

My biological clock is already messed up in this one whole torturing week.
I'm like an owl already, sleeps during the day and work at night.
And my skin is so terrible...oh my, shud eat n sleep normally after this.

But still i have to submit the working drawing for plan on friday ( today ).
I reli have no heart n mood to do anymore so i just simply do and show the lecturer.

Who noes she don't want to accept it cuz it's too......well...i admit it's a lauzy piece of working drawing with the dimensions all wrong lo =P
So she said that she'll not give mark for this.
Cheh...dont want lo...
I dont care oso.......
And she says my column shud be 500x500...waseh...siao bor??
i know my construction not good but....
do i reli hav to do this ??

Adding the steel trusses is already spoiling my roof look, i dont want to add in extra columns to spoil it's look liao can o not ??
But she say muz add...
'kalau x, u fail la..i mean in idea is ok, but in terms of construction u dapat C la'
Cheh...

I'm so stresses and finally find Ah Liang to help me..
Eventhough i noe some of my coursemates are good in steel construction,
but Liang can make me understand more n giv me solutions i need.
And it turns out that my problems are all solved by him!
Yay !! Cheers to him ! love u so much ! =P
He shud have become my lecturer instead of Kak Dash...
yay yay yay !!!


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Few nights ago i was chatting wif him in msn,
and he erm...maybe it's him, or othrs playing prank..but de typing style is him *lolz*
is getting more brave in expressing...
He told me he's jealous dat i went out clubbing wif other guys.
and wen i told him no ( not all guys wat ), he happily cheered n say dat means he still got chance lo.
n then n then he said he's going to date me out to mcD dat night of the condition dat i become his gf for one nite... -____-lll ( what kind of lame condition is dat )
but then said dont want la cuz wan me to be slim... -__-lll
and say will date me nex time.


-_-llll

ok la..maybe im getting fat...
Till ah tiong give me that stupid nickname and everyone stucks with it.
And Ah Liang, Jo's roommate n him oso say lidat...
yer...
Canot blame me ma..
blame my MOUTH LA...
And blame the BREAKFASTS.
hahahahaha........
I've been going out for breakfasts early in the morning b4 going back to sleep for the past few days....
ok lo..
i eat less a bit from now on ok o not ??


P/s : i really got grow fat ar ?? x perasan pun ?? =P

Tired.

I found that i'm not fit to become an architect at all...

Why izit all my design sucks ??
Why i owes design 'function follows form', not 'forms follow function' ??
I hate it when i always do things following my 'feel', and didnt do any research at all...

And i'm always stuck in the middle.

Always like that.
2nd year already and i'm still like that.

As a conclusion, I'm weak in designing.
That's it.


*sob*


This is making me so stress.

I have no appetite, i have no mood,
i Just need some company, maybe.

and maybe all i need is u...