Bliss... =)

I've always wanted to say this...

I'm actually feeling quite blissful eventhough the bf is not here with me.
because I've come to observe and realize lots of things when he is not around me.

I used to envy others, and compared him with others.

But now, the things that I envied are actually not as good as i've imagined, and that he is actually the better one.

 I sees the old us in some couple, and learned from within.

I used to feel unhappy because he won't stay up late for me.

that's why you can rarely see him in studio with me after midnight.

But now I actually prefer that he sleeps early because I don't like seeing him suffering ( he is not someone who sleeps late )

and I want to have my own private time. 

yes, we're both over the clingy phase thank god because its terrible when one is over that phase and one is not. makes u feel not loved eh.

and it actually makes him so sweet when he actually stays up late for you sometimes when you're really busy during submission time.

Totally irrelevant but I wonder if It occurs to all girls that for example, girl wants to go shopping, guy say he is tired and wants to go back. girl not happy, but wanted to be considerate, so she say ok loh, and guy sense that she is not happy so he say ok lah go shopping lah. and both trying too hard to please each other and mostly guy give up after girl insists on going back so they went back and girl end up not happy whole day long and the guy, being tired already, still have to make her happy. 

as an outsider, I see this scenario happens so many times that I vowed not to do this anymore because it's annoying. 

Why not just decide on one thing and be happy with it. 

and if you are not happy with it, say it out instead of keeping all the unhappiness inside and end up making both party not happy.

It's no wonder guys don't understand what we really want. =X

And one more example, which happens to me all the time..

bf : go where eat?

me : sui bian I ok de

bf : then go xxx eat lo

me : xxx food not nice wor

bf : .....then xxxxxx leh?

me : I hear people say not nice too

bf : ......

very mafan hor. I also think so.

but I think we are still ok on this because I don't really mind as i'm just telling him it's not that nice.

I can still dine happily there.

the best solution would be : give me 3 choices and I pick one.

and one more - keep on asking bf to buy this and that

the bf is very clear on this : earn your own money next time, don't use my money to buy not 3 not 4 things because im saving it up for our future.

harsh to the ear, but sweet to the heart. =)

and what's touching is when he'll suddenly buy not 3 not 4 things for you without you asking.

Sometimes not doing what other bf is doing doesn't mean that he love you less.

it's just that he has bigger and more important things to consider and the way of him showing his love is different.

 I may sound like im helping the guys ( stupid ), but at least i'm looking things in a more optimistic way. =)

and somehow im being quite optimistic lately...

ever see someone who are not stressed at all eventhough thesis submission is just a week away?

I didn't complain eventhough I haven't produce one board at all till now.

because I enjoy thesis. *shock*

I'm doing something I love ( i mean kids and architecture is something i've always wanted to do )

and for the first time in 5 years of architecture i'm actually happily doing things at my own pace without worrying about my grades.

I'm feeling happy and loved. =)

Maybe it's the effect of too much teh-c-peng. =P

Love vs Money

I never really thought about the importance of money, until now.

His salary is so little that he can only save just a handful every month.

Who said architects make big money. 

Well, apparently not fresh graduates right.

And so I've been wondering if I should get a job in Singapore instead.

But this means another long distance relationship.

To be frank, I'm actually doing quite well in LDR so far...

And I actually appreciate the amount of personal time I have.

But I don't really think I can do that well in maybe 3 years time apart from him.

when i brought this up, He asks me to do what I want ( going to SG ) in an annoyed voice =(

but the next day he actually said he'll buy me a membership at level up fitness and go gym together IF i come back and work *aww

If im going to work in Kuching, my salary will be as little as him.

and no, I can't think of staying under one roof with his whole family. 

( imagine parents, sister, sister in law and their baby and every weekend his sisterS will bring their kidS who will scream, cry, and u have to entertain them to play. )

Not that I hate them, but I'd prefer us alone, even if the house is small.

And I don't mind staying beside also. just not under one roof.

Ok, this is the main reason of me wanting to earn big bucks.

I want my own house! I don't want to stay with other people that im not familiar with!

So how? RM1800 per month or SGD2500 per month.

Love or money?

And I always thought that love is greater than money. how naive.

ok, maybe not.

But can I have my own house? 

with a walk-in-closet ? =D

Those were the days....

Saw my old-crush when Jo and I were eating dinner...

We seldom contact each other now, and i wonder why.

But i still missed him. I mean, as a friend.

I missed the time during first year when every evening was my heaven when i get to eat dinner with him and 2 of his friends whom i've gotten quite close with. And those 3 were my only close friends back then.

Now, we were all separated. And this year is their final year.
and i wonder if we will get a chance to hang out together again.

I still feel a bit awkward when we two met.
I wonder if it's just me.

I still click into his fb profile once in a bluemoon to see if he is doing good..
And sometimes i will wonder who will be his new love. *keipo*
No, there are no more feelings for him.
I just stopped 'liking' him of all sudden, like i've finally clicked out from my dreamy world and found that he's not the one for me.
5 years. and pop, it's over. stupid me. haha.


And I'm glad i did, because only then i realized that there are someone better and appreciate me more out there.
It's then i met Jo.
And my world changed.

But I'd still love to keep that small part of happy memories with me. =)
because without him, I wouldn't have make it here.


missed u guys~

Growing up...

Today, I realize that I can't live a single minute without u.

身在福中不知福

我真的很欠打。。。

Being archi-tortured

How come i'm so unlucky huh?

My desktop is infected by stupid virus from the pendrive immediately after i clicked on the stupid 'new folder' thingy which is supposed to be a virus. Damn.
Kena lottery pun not so lucky.
It gives me only 1 stupid second and then the whole desktop shut down.
At least give me 1 minute to transfer my studio stuff la ok.

I know i should have scanned it but how am i supposed to scan with AVG ?
I wanted to install Kapersky last night but damn it, it keep on detect AVG which i've uninstalled already.
And i borrowed the pendrive to Jo b4, and he told me he ever plug it into the school lab's computer.
Ok, that explains why things get so serious with just one click !
Argh !!!

So now i cant get any last minute work done for studio 2mro and im 100% sure i cant even show him anything.
Im good as a piece of shit 2mro.
If the hard disc canot be saved, then my whole project condemn dy lo???
I dont have any extra copy, mind u.
ARGH ~!

The cpu is now at Jo's room.
I have to wait until he finished updating his Kapersky which will take 3 hours at least.
Die. That means 5am and that means i no need to do work already.
Congrats.

Maybe i'm not lucky with anything related to computers these days.
hmm...


What can i do?



Sleep of course.
-__-'''
And maybe say selamat hari raya to him 2mro with a sweet smile to cover everything up.

lalala....



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The bf is having trouble with studio stuff this sem,
and he said maybe he has to re-sem with his condition now.

What am i supposed to say?

I know he has been struggling with it all these while.
He is not any better in architecture course as much as i do,
maybe we are not fit to be in this course to be frank.
What can i do?

I feel bad to even quarrel with him last night for some stupid reasons, when he is in the most tension mood.
I still cannot master the art of tolerating.
I salute hui san for her good management of long-distance relationship which for me, i sure die.
I admit I'm a very 'sticky' person.
ah well...whatever.

I can feel the 'panic' rising from him, the 'tension', the 'depression', the 'compression' whatever.. when he tell me all those studio problems.
And yet he's trying his best to cope with my selfishness of wanting him to accompany me.
It feels like seeing a man who is on the verge of breaking down and yet trying so hard to compose himself and make a joke out of it and go on.
makes my heart all gone sour.

I have a long way to learn....
to be more tolerate, sell less fishes, and what?
a supporter?
whatever.....

How i wish tis sem's nightmare will end soon...

to be honest, i don't want to involve in anything related to architecture AT ALL after graduating.
Ok, not that i dont want, but i dont have the ability to do so.
Im only the average student.
I dont have good presentation skills, i dont have good designs ideas and not to say construction knowledge, i dont have good PR, i dont have good maths ( i get 53 in Jahangir's structure test ONLY...laugh all u want ) and with all these, i cant see why ppl will hire me in architecture firm at all.

see my point ?

Why am i still here suffering then ?

I think i need an extra 24 hours everyday.

I feel tired so easily these few days.
Tired physically and emotionally.

I feel tired to even wanting to "socialize", well...except him i guess...
Eventhough at times i do feel empty only socializing with only one human being everyday...
I missed those crazy times.


I feel that my time is so NOT enough.
How can i possibly divide time for him, my UTM and Kch 'family', my roommate, my frens and my assignments ?
My time management sucks.
I'm trying so hard to cope with it but still i failed.
I end up giving 40% of my time to him, 20% to my UTM 'family', 10% to my roommate, 20% to my assignments and 10% to my other friends, sis and mum.
Oh right, there seems to be no private time left for myself.
Duh.


I think i'm still not ready to take my scuba diving test 2mro.
ya, i know i shud be very excited now..
But i donno why i have no feeling at all....except tired.
Hope the 3D2N stay at Pulau Aur can make me alive once more.


I have restless sleeps everyday.
I tend to wake up suddenly early in the morning around 7.30am with the anxious feeling that i had oversleep and i'm going to be late for class / dates.



What's happening to me anyway ??




Sigh.
my only energy is him.

That's it, i'm going to move to studio with him.
My only form of energy.
That's why i'm spending 40% of my time to recharge my energy.


Sorry to those i've neglected.

不明白。。。。。。

有 时 我 很 不 明 白 为 什 么 你 那 么 介 意 别 人 会 说 闲 话 。。。。


为 什 么 在 你 好 友 面 前 可 以 很 ‘ 开 放 ’ 的 对我 示 好 ，
但 就 不 敢 让 别 的 朋 友 知 道 我 的 存 在 ?
要 不 就 光 明 正 大 点 ， 要 不 然 就 不 要 了。。。。

如 果 连 你 也 没 有 那 种 勇 气 的 话 ，
那 我 也 不 敢 期 待 什 么 了 。。。。。

All I can say is .... Gambateh !

I feel kinda out of place now...
Everyone is rushing for their final project like zombies while I'm the only one being free and energetic and happy as i've finished mine last week.

These made me feel like it's WRONG to feel and express my happiness that i've finished my project.
Don't forget that I ever feel like giving up and stress for the whole time during MY TIME to rush for submission too.
I cant even express my happiness without being scolded and 'beaten'.

sigh.

All i can do is try to reduce their workload by finishing other subject's group work myself...
And try to help in whatever i can that they want.....
Hope it helps.....

although i still get scolded for being so free.... =(

Only he's kind enough to bring me out to 'express' my happiness without 'scolding' me.
Thanks for that =)

Good luck to my beloved 'family'... =)

Work or no work ?

I'll leave my 'holiday fate' to the hands of DNA ( design network architect firm ).

If they accept me to work there dis coming holiday, i'll work.
If no, then i'll juz stay at home and 'relax' for the whole month.


I shud have applied for JFN ( my previous firm )
but since Chiou Yann applied for DNA, then i followed her.
bcos Jo's having practical there i can have her as a company so i wouldn't be lonely.

heheh...

Recalling back when i'm working at JFN where i'm considered the only chinese 'young' Gal there...sien lo.
During lunch oso very sien...
So why not work with Jo Chiou Yann then i won't die from boredom anymore ?

=P

Plus i asked him and he very much welcomed me to work wif him

They're just plain jealous.

I dont understand why ALL my frens back in unimas has problems with their frens ?

misunderstandings, betrayal.....



It's like you cant get any true frens there.

Scary.


One of them juz complained to me that her frens hurt her feelings wen they told her she's juz being show off that she is frens with the guy's seniors.
Ar? lidat oso can ?
Then if i study in unimas ma si die tiam tiam lo ??

Juniors cannot be frens with seniors one la ?
crazy ppl.....

Love is Blind. He is Blind.

Is it just me or It's really true that Mr.F is starting to get 'separated' from us ?
I hang out with him together with the others at Tebrau today,
and I feel like he's not-that-close already.
I dono how to describe that feeling, but i'm sure most of us can feel the same as me. Maybe.

I do hate her for snatching him from us.
It's kinda strange to see the seat beside me empty and unoccupied.
Sometimes i just wish to bind him to his chair n prevent him from moving to the OTHER cubicle.
and i really feel like shaking him whenever i see his over-happy face wen coming back from THERE.

Yeah, maybe something canot be stopped,
But the one beside can always see things clearer than the one involved.
I distrust her.
I really do.
From all the lies she kept on telling me n others...
and even asked me to lie for her.
Evil.

I still remember how she intended to 'seduce' Ah Liang.
and kept on bragging to me that he's starting to fall for her trap.
Phui !
and i really laughed out wen ah Liang showed me her msg.
She kept on using 'i'm jealous u always bring jenny out' la...and 'u want to become my bf ha?'..' How i wish i have a bf'...when she actually ady has one.
walao...
How thick is her face ?

I still canot forgive her for wat happened at UTP.
I canot imagine WHY she has to ALWAYS show off that she can seduce EVERY GUY.
Reli reli reli tulan when she get near to Ah Jo and even cling to his arm for the whole day when she knew that im very close to him the day before.
and then come back and show off to me she talked to him.
I nearly killed her.
And didnt she always brag that she's a very good athelic?
Then why u still want to act like u're so weak and need him to give u a hand wen jump down from a levelled walkway when it's not so high at all ?
I can even jump without anyone's help.
And He told me u dont even want to let go of his arm ( yes, he borrowed u his ARM, not HAND cuz he got head to think ) after you come down.
People oso want to shake u off la, pantai !
And u cried and tell me a total different story when asked for my forgiveness.
How can i forgive u when u still tell lies to me ?


Maybe there's 0.01% possibility that she has changed,
but HAHA...what a joke...

How i wish that he is not that stupid to fall again for her.
But...

sigh...
I just wish that she'll not hurt him AGAIN.



P/s : By any chance anyone read about this and thinks i'm talking about you, pls la, I'm not talking about YOU. or HER. Don't perasan.

What's on my messy mind ...

I just want to release my stress, i didnt mean to make everyone worried.
I feel like like quitting this course, but that doesnt mean i WILL....
I'm just stressed okay ?

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I know u're jealous of me being close to Liang, but there's no need for silent protest okay ?
If i like u, there's nothing n no one that can change my heart.
And hey, i'm not ur gf, remember ??

'nuf said.


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I really hate doing working drawing !!!! ARGH ~~~!!!!!
I just wish i can sleep n eat n play everyday.


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Life is so complicated.
I wonder why i'm still alive ?


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The happiest moment of my life - to be in heaven close to my angel.
Thanks to Teck Ing for bringing me my angel last night.... =)

Tought Decision

This morning, my sis told me my dad wanted to let me go Australia to further my studies IF the stupid UTM will let me twin my last 2 year in other country.

But i dont thk it's possible since my fren told me we already signed contract wif UTM de day we go in....

Going to Australia is far better than staying in this lousy UTM,
And maybe i'll meet a few Ang-mohs and....*dreaming already*...

But...but...
My design is not that good...go there will be a laughing stock of the others...
And I know i'll definitely miss my frens here...
And i noe i'll miss him...



i HATE separations.


Luckily my dad didnt suggest Paris...
or else......

I have to make the toughest decision of my life...
Cuz I'm going to drool ( Paris is my dream ) and cry ( Told u I hate separations ) at the same time. *yucks*


But he said i can either choose to STUDY in Aus or have a TRIP to Paris...
heheh....

Can i choose to have fun instead???